You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
