i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
