Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
