WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
