Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
