I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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