"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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