he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Couch. On fire.
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