Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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