So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
