Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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