please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
