Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
