Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
