In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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