I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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