I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Come on in and take your pants off
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