did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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