I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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