I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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