Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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