At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
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