I only kidnapped one of them. chill
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just found a bag of teeth...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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