i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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