Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
