I smell stomach acid.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
