I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize