Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
