you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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