i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
