Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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