wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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