Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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