The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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