and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
