Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
