just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
