new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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