Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize