Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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