i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
