I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
