I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Randomize
