Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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