Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I fill condoms, not promises.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
