I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
