i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
