Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you didnt know i had herpes?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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