I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
false alarm. still invincible.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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