I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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