Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize