I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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