Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
