i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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