During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
