An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
