i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
