I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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