Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
