Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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