Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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