Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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