we're chasing vodka with high fives
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
