lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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